Does it make me a bad person because I don’t see anything inherently wrong with the idea behind Soylent Green?

For those who haven’t ever seen it and don’t wish to know the big “secret” of the film, I suggest not reading on. Continue at your own peril. Ye be warned.

Well, I guess I’m really not a nice guy, since I think turning people into processed food is a perfectly marvelous idea. Which is what happens in the dystopic future Soylent Green is set in. (If you’d like to read a nice summary of the film, I suggest Wikipedia.)

This should not, however, be confused with me proclaiming that we should give carte blanche to the Powers That Be to turn old people into food for the rest of us. Though that might be the perfect way to turn homeless people and people constantly on welfare into productive members of society.

Kidding.

First, let me provide a little bit of info about the film so that maybe you’ll understand what the hell I’m talking about. In a horrible future (2022, I believe), the environment is decaying, disease runs rampant, and the world is in the throes of massive overpopulation — so much so, that stairways of apartment buildings are packed full of homeless people — and the government has had to resort to creative, authoritarian methods to keeps things running. Not running smoothly, but just running. One company, the Soylent Corporation, produces these sort of nutrient wafers that feed over half the world’s population. Throughout the film, the main character, a detective (played by my man, Charlton Heston), tries to unravel the mystery surrounding the murder of a man on the Soylent board of directors. Stuff happens, more people die, Heston bangs a hot piece of “furniture” (def. “an attractive young woman who serves as both domestic help and sex object to the rich” — who says the future is all bad, eh? Again with the kidding.) at the dead man’s apartment, and then he winds up at a dead-body-disposal/food-manufacturing plant. Here he discovers, egads, that “Soylent Green is people!”

It’s at this point in the movie that I find myself, not shocked or horrified, but saying, “So what?” I think it’s a great idea that shows foresight, ingenuity, and an ability to make hard decision. As I see it, turning dead people into food for the starving, teeming masses is just another form of recycling. Really, where is the logic in trying to dispose of a bunch of corpses in a future where space is already at a premium? That’s about as logical as sticking your head up a butcher’s ass to get a look at t-bone steak, instead of taking the cow’s word for it.

To be fair, the film does try to twist the knife a little more near the end. Heston prophesies that soon, “they’ll be turning people into cattle.” This could be a valid concern, and I would have some issues with that. Recycling dead people and breeding humans for slaughter are two entirely different matters . . . though both have some merit.

Overall, the film is pretty damn effective. It’s an engaging sci-fi noir, and probably more importantly, it serves as a thoughtful warning of what might happen if the human race keeps on raping the Earth — or waterboarding Gaia, if you prefer — the way it has been since the Industrial Revolution.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make myself a snack. All this talk of food is making me hungry.

JAB