As much as I am loath to willingly give any corporate entity access to my DNA, several years of GI antics made me finally relent and sign up to do the EverlyWell food sensitivity test.
Turns out I have a very high sensitivity to cow’s milk, and a moderate sensitivity to yogurt. Neither of these were very surprising to me. I switched to lactose-free milk years ago, and generally try to avoid food that contains significant dairy. The yogurt one is challenging, because I eat Greek yogurt for breakfast almost every day, and occasionally in the afternoons as a snack. So I need to figure out a way to minimize my yogurt intake while still finding a good source of protein.
The testing process itself was interesting. You poke your finger with a lancet and then drip the blood into these little circles on a collection card. If your blood doesn’t flow like wine, you squeeze and mangle your finger until it relents and pays bloody homage to the collection card. This is referred to as “milking your finger for more blood,” a phrase I had never heard before and one that sounds straight out of a Lovecraft story.
So now you know how to poison me and make it look like an accident. Please do not use this knowledge for evil. If you kill me I will have no problem haunting you until the end of your days, and maybe even longer after that.